While I was sleeping...

nothing changed.

Dear whole and perfectly wonderful human,

I am pissed off.

I am pissed off and mad and frustrated and wildly, sharply, screechingly ANGRY.

I am so cross I shouldn’t be writing, and so here I am.

Foolish me.

Why am I quiveringly furious?

Because I haven’t had the capacity in the last 18 months to “fix the world” and while I was sleeping IT GOT WORSE and I frankly am taking it personally, because of course I am the passive yet far reaching and all omnipotent holder of all and therefore directly responsible for all the reconstituted horse shit that stands for behaviour and the resulting conditions of the world.

You may think “of course you aren’t Sally, that’s ridiculous’ and I’ll give you that, you may be right. But I swear I feel like the Mum who turned her back for TWO SECONDS and the house burned down.

I’m mad as hell with MY LIFE and the STUPID circumstances that have stolen my capacity and got in the way of me preventing the wars and genocides that are happening in multiple unspoken places as well as the headline countries. Big myself up much?

I’m mad as hell that “we” (I) have found myself in an ongoing and seemingly inescapable narcissistic relationship with every single sodding system and body of authority IN THE WORLD.

I’m SO hopping angry at the utter lack of self responsibility shown by “role models”.

BUT I am MOST CROSS with the fact that everyone seems to be missing what is SO OBVIOUSLY the universal issue here.

“Those in power” are behaving like children BECAUSE THEY ARE.

Look at any dysfunctioning political system and you are looking at rooms full of dysregulated nervous systems.

A bunch of disembodied brains hitting each other with stress reactions.

Brains, fighting with bodies.

Using OTHER people’s bodies - multiple bodies of children, women, men - as stand-ins for their own lack of embodiment.

AAAGHHHHHHH

I went to sleep in fear of my own, and I have woken up to see it realised in the faces of everyone I look at. So many humans trying to work out how to not be in danger, how to not be scared.

So few focusing on what it means to be safe, and how to feel that.

The worst bit? It’s heartbreakingly simple. It’s our birthright to know it and this DEVASTATING culture ripped the knowledge from us and implanted bullshit and toxic swill dressed up in fancy clothes.

Complete your activation cycles THEN use your brain.

We do not all have the same resources in life and we do not all have the luxury - I hate that that is an accurate word to use - of sufficient safety in our lives to complete stress cycles.

If you are working 2 jobs to put food on the table, if you are sheltering under a bed wondering who or what is going to come through the door, if you are caring for others or yourself and that is taking everything you have - then you may not have the resources to tend to yourself.

Which makes it all the more important for those of us with the luxury of sufficient safety to tend to our nervous systems, our body, and yes our brain.

Thought work (mindset, changing what you think, manifestation, whatever you wish to call it) can only be effective when you have access to your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that plans, imagines and makes nuanced, precise thinking and adaptation possible. 

This part of your brain is NOT firing on all cylinders if your body is activated. So this means if you are fearful, stressed, sick, threatened etc your ability to make decisions is deeply, profoundly impacted. Your ability to have engaging and enlightening conversation is NOT the most important consideration when you’re being chased by a tiger. Compassion has little value at this point, so it goes out the window too.

Imagine a room full of humans in this “state” and you are looking at that room full of children with access to a Big Red Button.

It is utterly terrifying.

A room full of people working from fear, while trying to get away from fear - anyone see the issue?

Not a room full of people working within a regulated state, and working towards, safety. This shift of focus may sound like semantics but it is really a very important distinction for the body and therefore cognitive ability.

How do I know they are motivated by fear?

These people aren’t confront-able.

One of the greatest measures of a regulated nervous system, a safe human, is their response to being confronted with a different opinion. Safety has no need of dogma. Righteousness is a fragile paradigm and I have woken up to watch it shatter.

I feel responsible.

Don’t scoff, I do.

Not in an ego “I’m the centre of the world” way but in an “I actually have solutions for this” way and I feel like in the last 18 months, had my own capacity been bigger, I could have been shouting from the rooftops, dropping propaganda practices and guerrilla safety exercises…

“You CANNOT think yourself out of an activated state, and you CANNOT think well while you’re IN IT! Step away from the button!!!!”

A step beyond this trap of repeating political eff ups - as if we’ve NEVER been here before - is doing something NEW (gasp, is that lady truly showing her ankle?!).

Go bloody figure. Who’d have thought that contorting what we already have into something different only ever goes to create a franken-version of… what we already have.

NO. REALLY?????

EXCEPT developing new thought patterns harnesses neuro plasticity, which requires all the building blocks of neuro genesis - which are NOT available when the body is in a sympathetic response (activated). 

Have I ranted enough?

There is no cognitive way through this Absolute. Bloody. Mess.

There is NO future if leaders are disembodied brains with buckets of information and no wisdom.

Wisdom lives in the body.

The world is experienced through the nervous system.

Re-organise your nervous system to health, to safety,

and your body brings itself to peace.

Sigh.

I am sorry that I have not been able to stop the sheer unadulterated tragedy of the current world.

I am deeply sorry that the part I am here to play has not yet spread big enough wings for my call to drown out the carrion.

I am sorry I cannot creep into the ears of leaders as they sleep and tend to their nervous systems, even if they won’t, or can’t, or don’t know how.

I am so so fucking sorry.

I am not giving up on my mission. I will find the next right step to disperse the seeds of safety, methods that have less need of my capacity.

I’ve run out of rant, now.

I am not going to edit this post. I simply won’t send it if I do. My brain will tell me how there’s no tolerance for my unfiltered words and it may well be right. But that’s not the point of this.

If this is not your cup of tea, please go, find and enjoy your beverages where logic and brains sit in disembodied dictatorship of fearful perfection.

Here, it’s body first. Always. And that’s sometimes -often- messy.

If this zings something in your body, welcome home.

And also if you’re still reading, well done - I have no idea if this stream of consciousness makes any sense at all.

Either way, I love you. Big much.

Breaking the threads by Sally and MidJourney